hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
