I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
