4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You're my little dorito
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
