I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
