Already got asked if we're dating
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
