Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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