Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
