for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
