I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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