If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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