i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
