margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
