just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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