brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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