we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
