PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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