Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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