I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
