You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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