Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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