True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
BRING THE BAGELS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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