Don't make out with my wife yet
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
