Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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