i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
