From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
