Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
