Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
