Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
