Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I smell like Dick and happiness
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
