I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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