he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just forgot I was standing up.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
