Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
