he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
