she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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