so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize