Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
