i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
