So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
