I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
