Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
