Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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