doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
