I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
