Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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