yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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