Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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