She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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