when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nutella sex= disaster
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
