also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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