just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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