we made out on top of his cat.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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