Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
even my farts smell like vagina
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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