I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
