I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
