its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
