Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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