Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize