you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
