I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
