I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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