I think I am morally bankrupt
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm too high and old for this...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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